Like when I was threatened by a bitch for doing my job. That was awesome. Thought of you then.
Or during the holidays when Sandra "The Semi-Ho" Lee from the Food Network managed to make an entire Christmas dinner with 8 packs of McCormick Pot Roast Seasoning and 3 tubs of Cool Whip. Then, too.
But I was inspired this week, friends. Inspired by the little brother I never had. Andy. I ran into him before class the other day and he informed me that his job now has a rule about how he's allowed to wear his hat.
Ok a few things you need to be privy of before I go on:
1. Andy is straight out of the ATL 'burbs. He's got more swagger than this town has ever seen. The amount of confidence he exudes is palpable. Yet, he is as humble as they come. His style reflects these qualities accordingly. (Andy--->)
2. Andy works at an effing BAR. Not like a swanky Martini bar where there are uniforms and $25 drinks. Nay, nay friend. We're talking about a bar that l.i.t.e.r.a.l.l.y has a TROUGH for guys to piss in out back. A TROUGH. 3rd world country style.
The bar has informed him that he is allowed to wear his hat straight forward or backwards. Nothing inbetween. Apparently "customers complained."
?? WTF? Seriously? Who would actually take the time to complain about that shit? We live in a college town, where the average age of their patrons is probably 19. Moreover, those patrons are more concerned with getting drunk/laid/roofied than the way one of their bouncers dresses. Shut the fuck up. Nobody complained. You, Mr. Manager, are just an anal fucktard with a grudge.
Mr. Manager, do you have a small penis? Did your mom not hug you as a child? Are you experiencing the averse effects of that gonorrhea/herpes/viral hepatitis triple-cocktail trifecta you caught from banging the underage sluts trying to illegally get into your bar? :( Well I'm sorry. I'm sorry Andy's swagger intimidates you. I'm sorry he's cooler at 21 than you are at 30, or will ever be for that matter. Let the man wear his fucking hat as he sees fit. And shut the fuck up, bitch.
As always: no shit I'm biased. Andy is my boy and always will be. He is my family while I'm here at school. He'll be my family when I leave this shithole. But regardless of who was at the crux of this new "rule," it's straight-up discrimination. What part of "you're dressing too urban" sounds anywhere close to appropriate? Yes, it's his business, and he can do what he wants. There's no blatant injustice for Andy to fight and win on. That being said, it doesn't make Mr. Manager any less of a cocksucker.
